I have an amazing mother-in-law. While there are many reasons I think she is wonderful, I have been especially blessed by the way she has interacted with me as I face infertility. (Note, these are not necessarily contrasts with other individuals.) Here are some of the ways she has loved me during this season of life.

• She minded her own business. I don’t think she ever made comments hinting about wanting grandchildren or inquiring about when Michael and I were "planning" on having children.
• Since we told her we were facing infertility, she has prayed for us about it.
• She gives real and virtual hugs (and is generally one of the most demonstrably affectionate people I know).
• She hasn’t pretended to understand exactly how I feel.
• She hasn’t offered unsolicited advice.
• She models that it is ok to cry.
• She has been willing to "just listen" when I’m having a hard day.

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In honor of the newly married Michael and Heidi, here are six pieces of advice for those who are just starting out their marriages. I’m sure these are not original.

1. Treasure God above everything else, even your wonderful new spouse.
2. Forgive other people; other relationships impact your marriage.
3. Be quick to admit your wrongs and ask forgiveness from your spouse.
4. Beware perfectionism; impossible standards for yourself or your spouse hurt both of you.
5. Make a habit of speaking the gospel to each other.
6. Be willing to risk getting hurt for the sake of growing together.

This summer, we had the priveledge to worship with Grace Fellowship Church of Toronto. Michael and I loved our time there, and we would consider it one of the best parts of our time in Canada. We’re back in the States, but I thought today’s list would be six reasons why we loved our time at Grace Fellowship Church.

1. Everything was gospel saturated.
2. There was an abundance of hospitality; many people invited us into their homes.
3. Prayer was a priority; this was obvious in both the elders and the congregation.
4. The preaching was passionate and Biblical.
5. The music selection exposed me to good songs I didn’t previously know.
6. It wasn’t like the Dead Sea. There is an over-used illustration that the Dead Sea is dead because nothing flows out of it. At GFC, there was a notable aspect that through things like church planting, the church was risking "growth" for better goals.

Listening to an audio book is a different experience than reading written text. Although I love reading written books, there are some reasons I might choose an audio book instead. Here are six of them.

1. I can multitask by listening while washing dishes, driving, excercising, or other tasks that don’t require the same type of attention as listening to a book.
2. I can enjoy the accent of the narrator.
3. Some groups of words were designed to be heard rather than seen. Shakespeare’s plays were written for the stage not the page, and there is a poetic quality to Marilynne Robinson’s prose that would be missed without pronouncing the words.
4. Audio books are read at a constant pace. While I read more quickly than narrators narrate, my reading is frequently interrupted by my contemplation, so if I really need to just get something read, the steady pace of an audio book may help me finish it.
5. It can be more convenient to download an audio book than to go to a library or wait for shipping. If I buy a Nook, this factor will be less of a motivation as I will also be able to conveniently read text that is avaialable for download.
6. Michael and I can both listen at the same time and then interact with what we both heard (and he apparently likes that reason too as he suggested it).

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1. The basis of our standing before God is the finished work of Christ, not our ability to bear children.
2. We have confidence that God loves us, even though there are still difficult circumstances in our lives.
3. It breaks the power of sin in our lives (idolatry, envy, bitterness, etc.), both in providing a means of forgiveness for the sin in our lives and the power to not sin.
4. It gives means of dealing with people sinning against us, such as by saying hurtful things, by giving reason to forgive and assurance that justice will be served.
5. It secures our adoption, giving us family and identity.
6. We can look forward to a day when there will be no more tears.

Related:

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1. They’re fast to write, and I’m busy leaving Canada.
2. I’ve repeatedly seen a statistic that one in six couples deals with infertility (I have no idea how accurate that is).
3. It is a good excuse to say that Heidi is getting married on Saturday!
4. I felt like it.
5. It adds a bit of variety.
6. It helps me stay in my 3-6 posts a week range.

This week, I’m going to do six lists of six items. The lists are numbered, but not in any particular order. Today’s list is about why I dislike talking on the telephone.

1. I find it hard to understand what words the other person is saying. Enunciation, background noise, the traditional one-eared interface to telephones, and lack of lip reading information all make talking on the telephone a bit challenging for me.
2. I can’t see nonverbal cues. Forget verbal tone, I use nonverbal expression much more than I ever use tone to add information to words. When I’m the one speaking, I use facial expression to see if someone understands, agrees, or cares what I say. When I’m the one listening, lip reading helps me grasp the actual words being used more quickly, and I observe information like gestures and posture in addition to facial expression.
3. My slow responses are more awkward. I’m fairly slow in conversations. Sometimes I come across as "quiet" because by the time I’ve worked out something to say, the opportunity to say it has passed. On the telephone, this is exaggerated because taking longer to understand what has been said adds more time before I can make an appropriate response. It also becomes awkward more quickly on the phone because I can’t send a facial expression to reassure you that I’ve heard what you’ve said and am considering it. In written communication, the tolerance for silent moments seems to be higher. Furthermore, I can begin writing before I have my entire piece of communication figured out, and seeing what I have so far sometimes helps me process what I want to say more quickly.
4. Without a visual focal point, I become distracted. The conversation doesn’t provide anything to look at. I’m not going to close my eyes, so while I am trying to concentrate on the conversation, I keep seeing things that aren’t related to the conversation. I’ve tried looking at blank walls or ceilings, but chances are I’ll notice a cobweb if my imagination doesn’t start drawing pictures in the texture.
5. I can’t refer back to the conversation. Obviously you can’t refer back to a face-to-face conversation, but e-mail automatically saves information I would otherwise have to write down. I may still need to record it elsewhere (like a calendar), but it also provides a definitive instance to refer back to. Referring back to previous written details of the conversation can also help parties resolve tense situations; either party can go back and look for ambiguity or overstatement that is contributing misunderstanding. In verbal conversation the tendency is to review your interpretation instead of what was actually stated.
6. Unless a call has been scheduled, it is an interruption. E-mail waits until you want to look at it. Bumping into someone you know at the grocery store might interrupt your errands, but it doesn’t feel nearly as jarring as a telephone call interrupting an activity like reading a book or writing a blog post. Worse yet, telephones almost always incline people to prioritize the person on the phone over the person right there. Dealing with cases of mistaken identity and telemarketing charities has persuaded me that I don’t need to feel guilty about not answering the phone when it rings, but unless I think to turn it off, it still rings.

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One thing that has been a constant encouragement to me is that Scripture makes it clear that God is the one in control of pregnancy and infertility.

For many women mentioned, pregnancy seemed impossible, but then God stepped in and created life. Sarah bore Isaac when she was old (Genesis 21:1-7). God opened Rebekah’s womb after Isaac prayed for her (Genesis 25:21). Although Manoah’s wife was barren, she bore a son, Samson (Judges 13). Hannah’s prayer was answered, and she bore Samuel (1 Samuel 1).

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Michael is going to be publishing a paper at the conference RecSys, or ACM Recommender Systems, this fall. His research deals with recommender systems, but even if you don’t study computer science, you probably deal with them.

Recommender systems are what their name indicates: systems that make recommendations. If you’ve purchased something online, a recommender system was probably used to encourage you to buy more by showing a few products for your consideration. Twitter offers suggestions for people to follow. If you read an article online, there is a good chance that it will suggest something else to see when you’re finished.

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This is a guest post from Erin Joy, a real doll. She writes about life in rural America and in the big city where she studies at a Bible college.

Erin Joy and her book

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